little feet, big sky

Some days are better than others.

Some days, I can’t stand to be alive. I wake up to Spice pulling my hair, or kicking my chest and I want to just smother her with a pillow. I struggle to be cheery when she’s kept me up half the night and I’m anything but. I get annoyed with her easily and in turn, she spends most of the day randomly half-crying, as if to protest my sour mood. I’m tired and frustrated and spend the evening rushing through her bath, our dinner, and then to bed, just to start the whole damn cycle over again. I fall asleep thinking I can’t bear it, I can’t do this for even another day…

Some days, I can’t believe how lucky I am to have her and especially her. I’m in awe of how sweet she is, how enduring, how brilliant, how charming. I look at her and marvel that I have this amazing gem of a daughter, surely more wonderful than any daughter has ever been before. I cuddle her and play with her and think of strange things like how I wish I could just eat her cheeks, she’s so cute. I tuck her in close to me as I nurse her to sleep, wishing for just a moment we could freeze time and keep her small and safe like this forever.

So it goes. Some days are better than others.

This past week had been amazing for me. (For me only, since I know the spouse-unit is struggling a little with the early wake-up times.) I’ve gotten to the gym regularly and have been totally energized run around behind Spice, cook, de-clutter the house and otherwise play Susie Homemaker. I attribute it to the following:

• Getting to the gym at least 4-5 times a week.
• Taking Omega-3’s, recently suggested to combat depression.
• Getting rid of our book clutter via Amazon and Paperbackswap.com.
• Finally getting this blog moved back to WP.org! (Many thanks to the spouse-unit for making it a two-day adventure instead of the two-month ordeal it would have been trying to do it on my own.)
• Snowball effect. The residual warm fuzzies from these things put me in a better mood to take on more feel-good projects, like organizing the bathroom.