little feet, big sky

Dear god, I feel just awful.

Not physically. Physically, I’m fine. It’s just this blog I’ve been reading. As the spouse put it, it’s like watching a train-wreck.

I stumbled onto this blog while looking up other pregnancy and parenting blogs. For the pregnancy ones, I had looked up ones that referred to natural childbirth, hoping to find others working towards a natural, drug-free birth and hoping those search terms would also help me find other home-birthers. One of these blogs seemed rather promising, even though she’s a planned hospital birth, and I’ve been following it rather closely, as the writer is almost as far along as me.

Recently, though, it’s been painful. She sounds so determined to have a natural childbirth, but her recent posts sound like naive openings to Misconceptions, Immaculate Deception II or The Business of Being Born [add to NetFlix]. One of them was about choosing which hospital nearby to go with and, perhaps it was just omission on her part, but there was no mention as to c-section rates of either hospital (or the delivering doctor), staff policies on pushing epidurals or episiotomy rates, or anything like that. Her concern, as written, was which one would be more likely to have a birth tub available and maybe the pros and cons of recovery in the same L&D room. *sigh*

Now, I know how this sounds – crazy home-birther beating on other (hospital-birth) peoples choices, but it’s really not that. Reading one of her earlier posts yesterday, I was almost in tears. And I never cry over these things. (And it’s not hormones.) I’m just so sad & scared for her! I mean, she really, really wants a natural childbirth, and yet she believes the party line – that just by “eating right” and “exercise” and listening to her doctor’s advice, she’s doing enough and everything else is just chance. *groan* I know I have every chance of ending up in the hospital as her, but at least by then I could live with knowing we really tried everything possible first. I hear so many birth stories of women who only find out years later that there were more things they could have done first to safely avoid the hospital or a c-section. I want to reach through the computer and shake her and tell her that she needs to ask better questions, be better informed to make more relevant decisions if she really wants this to happen.

I won’t. Most of our friends already think I’m a fruitcake for wanting to do this at home. You’d think California would be more open to it, but there’s like 15 midwives that do home births here in Los Angeles. Yes, most of them know each other. And home-birthers often know each others’ midwives, too, as we all shopped from the same pool nine months ago. So the knowledge of home births, the awareness of it as an option, is virtually non-existent to most people.

Anyhow. I can’t decide whether to keep reading her blog, or to stop. I really hope it all works out for her, but I’m scared that the odds are stacked against her and that is just too painful to watch. *sigh*

I’ve been looking at birth tubs/pools trying to pick one out and thought I should share my research. There are two main sites as recommended to me by my midwife: waterbirth.org and yourwaterbirth.com.

yourwaterbirth.com seems to mostly sell birth pools and kits and has a wider selection, but waterbirth.org is like the motherlode of waterbirth information, so I’d suggest starting there. The only model that really appealed to me in both price and features on yourwaterbirth.com was the La Bassine ($95). It’s about 100gal, with an inflatable floor and has handles on the inside, which is pretty neat. The downside for me is that it’s made out of PVC which probably has phthalates.

Which is ultimately why I’ll be ordering the birth pool in a box eco ($185, with liner) from waterbirth.org. In the regular size, there’s room for the partner or labor support person, is made from phthalate-free PVC, handles on “top” and on the outside, and has a built-in seat.

As for accessories, waterbirth.org offers a fairly generic accessory kit for $100 that includes an electric air pump, a floating duck thermometer, a “non-toxic, lead-free” hose, a long handled debris net, and an electric drain pump. yourwaterbirth.com offer more customizable kits ranging from $40 (manual air pump) to $195 (electric air pump), and also has kits available for rent.

I was about halfway through Tina Cassidy’s Birth when I stopped, slipped in a bookmark and put the book away.

I’ve been reading for over the past year like the information whore I am, and I’ve reached my saturation point. Where before I’ve been happy to gobble up new information, research, tips and theories, I guess I’m at a stage in my pregnancy where I’m starting to believe that from here on out, it’s how I feel about things rather than what the numbers say. I’m trusting more in how I feel when it comes to eating, sleeping and moving around. I’ve stopped calorie-counting to make sure I’m eating enough because I was previously worried about not gaining enough, and I’m so much happier for it. I don’t keep junk food in the house other than tortilla chips and some trashy chocolate and I have this rule that if I want cookies, I have to make ‘em myself. :-) I’ve stopped counting how many hours I sleep at night and don’t begrudge myself the occasional afternoon lie-down.

I’m nervous about saying this, because I’m sure there are others out there that will read this and say, “Hey, that sounds good, I’m going to stop reading up more on childbirth.” Please, please – keep reading until you’re genuinely sick of it. :-) When other parents remark on how confident and comfortable I seem for a first-time future mom, I can’t help think it’s thanks to all the books I’ve read and stuff I’ve learned. I loved what I read in Birth so far, but the more I fixate on how much as gone wrong in the history of pregnant women, the more depressing my own outcome seemed. Maybe I’ll pick it up again in the coming months, but if not, I know I’ll finish it later.

I hadn’t even thought of this, but it’s another reason I’m skipping the classic doctor-hospital route and happy for a midwife-assisted homebirth:

Pregnant women are more likely to catch the flu and become very sick, which can cause pregnancy problems. Pregnant women go to the doctor’s office a lot for regular check ups (can’t they get some new magazines in the waiting room, already?) which means they won’t be able to stay home and avoid people who may have the flu.

- From APHA’s Get Ready for Flu Blog

I’ll be taking a Birthing From Within childbirth class this weekend and I’m really looking forward to it. One of the tenets of the book is a teacher talking about how for their classes, they don’t ask couples to bring pillows, believing that they don’t want couples to be lulled into a false sense of complacency about labor. That feels so right to me, and I hope the class feels the same.

I opted against taking the Bradley method of childbirth classes because given the insane amount of research I’ve already done on pregnancy and childbirth, I didn’t feel like I would be learning anything new. Much to my delight, our midwife agreed with me and recommended the Birthing From Within class.

And IMHO, Lamaze and generic hospital childbirth classes are either a joke or completely counter-intuitive.

I’m 23 and 5/7 weeks pregnant and the hardest thing about being pregnant so far has been… other people.

I knew I didn’t want a hospital birth even before the spouse and I started trying. I’ve never been in a hospital for more than a few hours in the ER for an ear infection and I had no intention of starting now. I knew I wanted a midwife, but it wasn’t until I got pregnant that the hub and I started to talk about a homebirth. A few weeks looking around on Google and making a few phone calls turned up some interesting information: no birth centers within safe driving distance. So we started shopping for midwives and found one that we liked, met her and happily signed up for a midwife-assisted homebirth.

I knew this was going to be an unorthodox decision among family and friends, but I had no idea just how much. Perhaps if this was our second child, or just not our first, I wouldn’t have been swamped with other people’s opinions. Most people, primarily other mothers, would instantly exclaim “Just get the epidural – don’t wait!” To this I would often smile and half-joke “Well, I’m having a homebirth, so that’s a no-go for me!” Their expressions were often comical, somewhere between confusion and disbelief. I guess for most, homebirth is just not in their vocabulary.

Even my mother had a strong negative response. Her reaction was as if I’d just stated that I planned to find a barn in the mid-West to have my baby when I go in labor. It’s more than a little frustrating, because if you look at the numbers, homebirth is safer than a hospital birth if you’re not a high-risk pregnancy. And in all honesty, few women are truly high-risk. Doctor-assisted prenatal care has nothing on my midwife. :-) I’ve had monthly prenatal visits (my home or hers) for well over an hour each. I have my pulse & BP checked, urine for protein, prenatal blood screening, ultrasounds at 8 and 20 weeks, and an AFP screen. Plus, I have her home and cell numbers for any questions or concerns. Bloating like mad? One email gets me a reply with tons of natural tips and solutions. Funny pain in the side? A quick call to her cell gets a warm, friendly explanation and advice. The thought of going to to a doctor for prenatal care sounds like a nightmare!

The average c-section rate in hospitals in the U.S. is about 46%. My midwife’s is under 15%. I believe the best way for my child to be born will be quietly and gently at home, surrounded by his or her loving parents, two qualified and experienced midwives, and a doula. He or she will be gently dried off and half-wrapped in a blanket to keep the skin-to-skin contact that newborns find so soothing. The midwives will assess the baby and me to make sure we’re doing well and we will be left alone to enjoy the new addition to our family.

If you’re newly pregnant, or planning on it, I highly suggest two books: Immaculate Deception II and Misconceptions. If you’re the too-lazy-to-read type, then netflix The Business of Being Born.