little feet, big sky

One of the other moms in our playgroup had the nifty Sophie the Giraffe teether by Vulli. This thing is like kiddie crack to babies that are teething. It’s simple and made of natural rubber, but it has all the right angles to make it easy to grab and a small squeaker inside to make it interesting once in a while. It’s also small and thin enough to tuck inside the wrap or baby carrier with Spice so that she has something else to grab and chew on other than my hair. :-)

They don’t seem to have them listed on the website, but I found these awesome hand puppets at IKEA for an amazing $4 each. I picked up a lamb, pig, chicken and fish, but I don’t remember what the other ones where. Cute, machine washable and great fun for playing with babies.

A great tip I heard before Spice was born was to keep an extra ‘lovey’, or favorite toy, around in case the original is irreparably damaged or lost. I have two JellyCat elephants for Spice’s lovey, and quietly rotate them for play and wash so that they wear out evenly. :-)

I know I can’t entirely pick her favorite toy, but I can certainly encourage it while she’s a baby. We’ve had Elle since before Spice was born, so it’s been in many baby pictures so that she’ll be able to remember it long afterwards. Elle came along to England with us for Christmas, and I make sure that it gets tucked in for naps. I want to crochet a harness for Elle so that I can attach it to Spice’s car seat, or baby carrier when we’re out, and when she’s older, I’ll make a doll sling or wrap so that Spice can “wear” Elle. :-)

What’s really neat is that as Spice transitions out of swaddling, her free hands grab on to Elle more and more, so I have a feeling my crazy plans are actually working a little. :-)

The days just seem to float together lately. It’s almost noon, and I barely remember the morning.

Spice and I have gotten into a bit of schedule now. We wake at 6am-ish, feed, change the diaper and go downstairs to sleep in a bit more in the womb room, her in her swing and me on the futon. Wake up again around 8, feed and change, spot-clean with water & cloth wipes and dressed for the day (or at least until the next spit-up explosion, usually not until the afternoon). Wander around the house trying to see what can be done one-handed: move laundry from washer to dryer, get water to drink.. umm, that’s about it so far. More burping, then loose-swaddle and down to sleep again. I can usually squeeze in a shower during this nap; if I’m really fast on the shower, I can also get breakfast, but often a long shower is more of a priority for me, mentally.

Wake, change, feed.. wake, change feed. Spice seems to barely sleep for an hour at a time in the afternoons, though swaddling and the swing can stretch it out longer sometimes. I use her sleep times to wash diapers, get something to eat, check mail. Yesterday, I managed to get basil from the garden, wash it, and toast some pinenuts, almost making pesto entirely.

Around 6 or 7, depending on how rough the afternoon has been, I feed her on one side, burp, feed on the other side, burp, and start running a bath. Spice loves the water and so it’s a good way to transition from screaming bloody murder to peaceful sleep. I bundle her up in a sleeper, swaddle her and feed her down to sleep. Because I’ve already fed her so much, she really just nibbles as she dozes; the spouse can sleep her down with rocking and singing, with or without a pacifier.

Lately, we’ve been lucky – she sleeps somewhere between 7 – 9 hours straight. Sometimes, we do a change & feed at 3/4/5am, but I can often get a few more hours of sleep out of her. I figure she sleeps more through the night to make up for the awake afternoons.

Right now, she’s playing under her activity gym. Very cute. The spouse has graciously given me permission to “have the afternoon off” while he takes care of the baby. Very sweet.. but I’m struggling to think what to do with it. I know I should try to book a massage for myself or even just go see a movie or something, but I’m a practical freak. I keep thinking that we’re out of olive oil, the dog should probably make it to the groomers, … the list goes on.

Oh, well. Even errands would be a nice break.

me: oh, look at her. she’s so fucking cute sometimes.
spouse: what are you talking about? she’s cute all the time!
me: you’re obviously not spending enough time with her.

Spice hit 7 weeks this past Monday and wow, has it been a wild ride!

They say that colic in babies peaks at 6 weeks and drops slowly from there, and as usual, she’s been a textbook baby. Last week was a right mess, hence my impulse trip to see Mom and get away for a while. (Though, considering she came with me, I’m not sure what exactly I was getting away from. Hmm.)

This week has been a little better. The spouse has been a little better, which always helps. I’m sure Spice has been going through a growth spurt because she feeds constantly all day. I used to wonder what that meant. How could a baby feed constantly? Wouldn’t they need to come up for air? Or stop to sleep? In case you’ve wondered these same questions, the answer is, in fact, no. They can pause long enough to stare past you out the window for a few minutes and as soon as you reach to pull your shirt back down, they latch on with a vengeance. They are capable of disarming you with a half-smile, breathing through the corners of their mouth and then lazily feeding for another 20 minutes. And sleeping works about the same: cat-nap for a bit with the breast in the mouth and wake up as soon as they’re moved or wake up an hour later to start all over again. I’ve never been so damn repetitious in my life; “She can’t possibly be hungry again!”

But I was rambling about fussiness.

In the breastfeeding support group I was going to, the bible seemed to be Harvey Karp’s The Happiest Baby on the Block ($11). I remember seeing this on Amazon a few times, but skimmed past it thinking that since it was so mainstream, it couldn’t possibly be worth the $11 bucks. Ah, how wrong I frequently am. :-) The same day that I read it, I tried the 5 steps in the book and was amazed at how calm Spice was. And I also realized that we had been doing many of these steps unintentionally, but with the same calming results.

The 5 steps are basically swaddling, side/stomach positioning, swinging, shhh’ing and sucking. If you’ve been around babies before, it’s nothing new, but Karp’s technique is to put them together in a way that makes them more effective than each used alone. We had been swaddling occasionally with good results. Swinging was effective when I was wearing her in a wrap/sling. Sucking worked on the breast and with co-sleeping and nursing at night, we sleep on our sides, tummy-to-tummy. Her body is tucked so tightly against me, that it’s almost like being swaddled. No wonder nights have been so easy for us!

Do read the book. Spice is a relatively easy baby, meaning she often cries for food, a diaper change, or needing to sleep, and rarely for random fussiness or real colic. For the times she has actually been fussy, Karp’s technique has been a sanity-saver.

If you don’t want to plunk down the $$, read it in your local library or rent it from Paperspine.

I haven’t made it to a La Leche League meeting yet, but I hope to hit one in the Hollywood area within the next month. In the meantime, I’ve been getting my fill of breastfeeding stories from The Breastfeeding Cafe by Barbara L. Behrmann.

They say the best things for a new mother starting out breastfeeding is the help of a good lactation consultant and the support of other breastfeeding mothers. While there’s no replacing the lactation consultant, I highly recommend this book for anyone looking to nurse, whether you’re lacking in breastfeeding companions or not.

The stories are both humorous and heartwarming, poignant and rousing. There’s the story of Savannah (pg. 86), born with a traumatic skin condition, being sustained on donated breast milk for the first year of her life to receive the proper antibodies. There’s the frustrating story from Susan in St. Louis (pg. 114) who had to argue with her pediatrician over proper treatment for her & her son over a case of thrush. And, my favorite, the incredible, heartmelting story from Anjelina in Washington (pg. 283) about weaning and what to do with the last stash of breastmilk in the freezer.

I know that for some things in life, you can never be fully prepared until it happens, but that never stops me from trying to find out as much as I can well in advance. I have a few “informational” breastfeedings books, about technique, recognizing problems, etc., but wanted more exposure to other womens’ personal experiences. I know very few breastfeeding mothers offline, and The Breastfeeding Cafe has been a great read in being honest about frustrations, challenges, joys and rewards of breastfeeding your child.

• Buy The Breastfeeding Cafe on Amazon. $15.
• Check out the companion site, breastfeedingcafe.com.
• Read the book review from La Leche League.
• Find out more about breastfeeding or find a local meeting through La Leche League.

Katie’s observations are confirmed by research – in one Canadian study where carrying was increased throughout the day, (in addition to carrying which occurred during feeding and in response to crying), infants cried and fussed 43% less overall, and 51% less during the evening, and studies at Columbia University with mothers and infants considered at risk of failing to form secure attachments, showed that increased carrying led to increased maternal sensitivity, which resulted in less crying and quicker bonding. – Velcro Baby – The Baby That Clings!

I’m a geek. The classic self-employed, work-from-home (mostly) geek. I didn’t think this would be a clash with parenting too much until I spoke at a conference last year, got bitten by the speaking bug and have spent the last 8 months of pregnancy just a teensy bit depressed that I’ll have to wait at least a year to have the time, patience and brainpower to resume speaking. The spouse knows this and recently sent me this post from Kirrily Robert’s Infotropism via del.icio.us:

Yesterday I attended Web 2.0 Expo SF, an O’Reilly conference at the Moscone Center. In fact I was mostly there to chair a panel on Troll Whispering with three prominent women in the field of Web 2.0 community management: Christy Canida from Instructables, Teresa Nielsen Hayden from Boing Boing, and Amy Muller from Get Satisfaction.

The four of us arranged to meet downstairs in the foyer beforehand.

“I’m easy to spot,” I told them. “I’ve got bright red hair.”

“I’ll be wearing a fuzzy orange and leopard print coat,” said Christy.

“I’ve got a cane,” said Teresa.

“I’m the one with the baby,” said Amy.

I spotted Amy easily; she was, indeed, the one with the baby. Her daughter, Tesla, is 4 months old, and Amy’s been juggling her work as Chief Community Officer at Get Satisfaction with childcare. Her husband, Thor, is supportive and helps look after the kid when necessary; he’s the CEO of Get Satisfaction. Get Satisfaction, by the way, is one of the most clued in Web 2.0 companies around, and a bit of an O’Reilly favourite. They even help O’Reilly with their customer support.

Anyway, it’s a good thing Thor was there yesterday to mind the baby. It turns out that babes in arms are not permitted on the expo floor or in the conference area of Web2Expo. “Sorry ma’am, we can’t allow anyone under eighteen years of age,” is what the security guard told Amy.

Back in the first dotcom boom (and probably still today), company founders and executives were sometimes under 18. I’ve heard stories about them having to get special exemptions to attend or speak at conferences. So I guess I’m not surprised to hear that Web2Expo is an 18+ event. But I can’t find anything on the website that says so. Perhaps it’s in some kind of T&C that I didn’t read, but I don’t think so.

So, Amy Muller, co-founder and Chief Community Officer of a company that really gets the spirit of Web 2.0, and an invited speaker at the conference, had to ask her husband, co-founder and CEO of the company, to hold the baby and hang out down in the lobby while she attended her panel.

I didn’t even think something like this could happen. I mean, sure I’ve seen the mothers with kids in tow or in strollers around the lobby areas at OSCON, but I didn’t think a conference would have a no-children policy. Gah. I know OSCON is out for me this July because it’s within weeks of my supposed due date, but I had thought that next year it would be easy to at least attend a few sessions, if not speak there. Perhaps it was a pipe dream, but I had visions of being there in some capacity with a (hopefully) well-behaved baby in a sling for short periods of time. *sigh*

Every year, I see more and more women (and geek families) at OSCON. I seriously hope O’Reilly gets the message and at least attempts to do something useful about this for the conference-going community. In the meantime, maybe there’s a way to organize a childcare BOF, or some such?