little feet, big sky

Lord, what a rough week!

Yesterday, I couldn’t find my keys. I was due at a playdate/parenting support group meeting at 11 a.m. and was totally ready to head out the door with Spice wrapped up in our wrap and a diaper bag on my shoulder. Car keys? Check. Wallet? Check. Phone? Check. House keys? Umm.. I check all the usual spots and a few unusual ones. Still, no keys. By this time I was 10 minutes late and losing hope of finding them, and had so been looking forward to going. (This group is the ultimate mommy-venting space, so it’s the mother’s equivalent of a trip to the spa.) I took Spice out of the wrap so I could search under things better and put her in our new Pack N’ Play, which she did not appreciate. Between the missing keys, the bad morning and now a crying baby, I had a minor meltdown. *sigh* Took two kava and felt better, but still – being stuck all day at home sucked arse. :-(

It’s been a crazy two weeks. The spouse-unit has been busy with work stuff, so we’ve been like two passing ships in the night. (Sometimes literally, like Sunday night which he spent in a datacenter.) I’ve barely gotten to the gym once or twice, and since I’m still without a babysitter, that means I’ve been handling Spice on my own almost 24/7. Last Saturday, the spouse-unit was home for long enough that I had him take Spice just so I could clean the house. I’m so tired, exhausted really, and was totally counting on housecleaners coming today to help a bit. But, alas, they’ve just called and cancelled as one of them is sick.

Yes. This is my life this month. I remember going on a walk around Silverlake with some other mothers back when Spice was about 4-months-old. There was a young mother with an 8-month-old, and she looked frazzled; a little spacey, tired, a little unkempt and disheveled and her son was happily beaming in his PJs, since that’s how they’d run out of the house. I remember thinking how crazy it seemed (not wanting to be too judgmental even in my head in case I was like that one day), but of course, sometimes you can’t really relate until you get there yourself. Now, I want to hunt her down, call her up and say “OMG, I totally get how you were that day! I’m so there!” but I don’t have her number, let alone remember her name. (Heh, it’s a good day if I can remember my own name.)

I just have to grit my teeth and bear it. I’ve been trying to get out more and trying to hook up with other mother’s in the same place. As much as I find Ning annoying, I’ve also started a parenting group, the Hollywood Parents Network for networking with other mothers in the area. Feel free to join!